


Panic Switch.

by Etherthires



Category: Boyfriend to Death (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Gore, Guro, Humiliation, I'm Sorry, M/M, Multi, Other, POV Second Person, Reader-Insert, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-10 13:37:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7847149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etherthires/pseuds/Etherthires
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was time to get used to living with Strade. Time to realize that this was the first day of the rest of your life. (Not on Hiatus anymore!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Realization.

**Author's Note:**

> so. i just started this little series. i have big plans for it. hopefully for once in my life i will actually finish it :))) enjoy  
> p.s. feel free to tell me if you see a writing error. i dont exactly have an editor so uh ya  
> 

It had been only days after Strade put that damn collar on you. You wanted to take it off, you _tried_ to take it off, but if you tried any harder, you expected nothing more than death. Although at this point death didn’t sound all that bad, the only problem was that in the beginning, you had the unfortunate expectation that maybe _something_ or _someone_ would save you from this godforsaken hellhole.

Though at least this hellhole was comfortable. You had gotten your own room, and Strade told you he’d treat you to anything you wanted. But even with the “comfort”, you swore this drove you crazy, in the literal way. Your sanity was low at the beginning of it all anyways, and it really didn’t seem like it was coming back anytime soon. You saw the scars on Ren, you heard the whimpering from the room next door. It was obvious the torture would continue even after Strade had “let you go”.

At this point, you were pretty sure the only reason he hadn’t barged into your room yet is because he wanted to let you calm down and accept what will more than likely be the rest of your life, before he continues the torture.

But the truth is, you hadn’t calmed down whatsoever. Your head was filled with terrible thoughts and voices, your movements became sporadic, you couldn’t sleep, and you began disassociating without notice. The worst of all, was that you couldn’t cry, you just couldn’t bring yourself to cry. It was like you lost yourself the day he put that fucking collar on you.

Eventually, you found yourself walking downstairs to eat after days of restless thinking, and as expected, you saw Strade sitting on the couch. His eyes trailed your body as you walked past him and into the kitchen. He gave you a cheeky grin before finally speaking; speaking the first words that you heard in days. 

“Look who finally accepted their fate~!”

Your expression was empty as you began to speak, but about halfway through your reply, your mouth developed into an immense smile. “I..I think I accepted my fate when I walked into my new room. Truthfully, I’ve just been recollecting my thoughts on how to get back at you for what you’ve done to me~! Now, if you don’t mind me, I’m going to eat.” The you that Strade met at the bar wouldn’t have ever spoken to a captor like that, but as I’ve already mentioned; _that_ you seemed to be long gone.

You continued to look through the fridge and cabinets before picking out something simple and sticking it in the microwave. Any normal person would have expected Strade to get up off the couch and stick a knife somewhere in your body; the thing was, everything you had just spoken were just words to you, and although the words were true, you didn’t think about any sort of consequences. So when Strade _did_ get up from the couch and follow you into the kitchen, you hardly noticed. You just got your food from the microwave and began eating.

Upon finishing, you finally noticed Strade in the kitchen, giving you that signature smile of his. It appeared that he was waiting for you to notice him. So you stared at him for a moment before speaking.

“Oh, Strade, when did you get there? Are you mad at me for what I said, because I would totally understand if you were. But as you said a couple days ago, I think we’re growing close, so sharing my thoughts shouldn’t be too bad, should it? I mean, I want you to trust me since we’re living togeth–” You were soon cut off by Strade roughly grabbing your wrist and dragging you back to that familiar room. Not your room, definitely not your room. This was the room that you spent days being constantly mutilated by this man.

He tied you up at the same old place, pulling out the same old knife, as his face wore the same old smile. Your time being tortured by him was short, but your head replayed the thoughts as if it happened over months. “Ohh liebling, it’s quite cute when you act like you can hurt me~!”

You gazed at his features for a short period, making various faces as you recollected you thoughts. “I don’t _think_ I said anything about hurting you, did I? I thought I just said I was going to get back at you. Correct me if I’m wrong, though. My head _has_ been going through a lot, I mean I can’t seem to stop thinking! Like right now, I’m trying to figure out what you’re going to do to me, and I can’t even tell if you’re listening to me or not, but it’s _really_ nice talking to you, ya know? I’ve been talking to myself for the past couple of days and those dumb little voices that are talking back to me just don’t have the kind of… _enthusiasm_ that you do! Though I know you’re not here give me therapy, so I should probably shut up so you can do whatever.” And with finally finishing your social outburst, you went back to staring at him in a somewhat empty way, as if you had just released all of your emotions at once.

Strade slowly began to furrow his brows at your response. He might have been fucking insane, but even he could see that you’ve changed drastically since he put you in that room. The question was, did he like the change? Truthfully, he couldn’t even answer that question, not yet at least. The only way he could really decide was after this torture. If he didn’t like you, he’d take the collar off and kill you, and if he did, that collar was staying on for the rest of your life.

“Oh… my lovely little maus. Did I do something to you? You’re not quite acting like yourself, you know~! I think I have just the way to help! Don’t worry, I can bring that cute little scream of yours right back!” As he put down the knife and pulled out the hammer and nails, his smile grew contagious. Especially to you. Your gaze turned bright and happy upon hearing his response.

“You’re going to torture me now, right! I don’t know if I’ll scream if you want me to be honest, I’m kinda worried that I won’t… because I remember how angry you got when I kept my mouth shut that one time. But I’ll try and give you some kind of reaction for s–”

Once again, you had been cut off by Strade’s rough actions. This time, he pulled your shirt up so he could see your stomach and immediately placed one of the nails below your ribcage and right into your lower abdomen before the hammer came smashing down and impaling your skin.

And to your fortunate surprise, you screamed. It was a piercing scream, one that you really couldn’t control, and it was all because he knew just the way how to abuse you, or anyone for that matter. For he especially knew this; even deranged people felt pain.

The pain was… heightened. It hurt so much more than before. It wasn’t like you really _minded_ the pain though. Even before you were being held captive, you enjoyed pain to extent. The difference now was that you could say that there was really no more boundaries. He could have put you through a pain like child labor, and you could imagine yourself enjoying it.

Now, that scream was pure ecstasy to Strade. Truthfully, he would have fucked your brains out right then and there, but he needed _more._ So he moved to a spot lower than your abdomen, and once again, using the same nail, pierced your skin without a word. The other hole he created was already gushing blood, but now there was so much more, staining both you and Strade’s bodies.

Once again, you screamed a deafening scream. Though it had a different tone than the last, it was as if you had… _moaned_ into the scream. You were fully unaware of your actions, for your reaction to pain was more of an instinct rather than something you controlled. But Strade was aware.

Strade was painfully aware of what he caught in your voice. That little screaming moan of yours repeated over and over in his head. He had to hear more. And he would.

Strade plunged his fingers into the two holes he created with the nail and wriggled them around in the wounds. With the other blood stained hand, he grabbed your chin forcibly as his eyes peered into yours. He wanted to see all of your expression, he wanted to see how much he fucked you up. And because Strade always get’s what he wants, he saw all of it.

Your face grew a dark red color, one eye half-lidded and twitching, the other rolling to the back of your head. Your breathing got raspy and loud making it hard to speak, but every painful sound flowed freely from your mouth. Your body twitched repeatedly as a reaction to the pain, which of course didn’t help pain of the moving fingers in your wounds. There was so much happening to you. Everything was so different… everything was so much better. Your boundaries were now gone, your pain sensitivity had elevated, and it all felt so _good_.

“Look at you! Oh, I’ve never had someone react so… _inviting_. You look like you’re almost enjoying it even~! I could really get used to this!” And with that, Strade forced his finger farther into your body before taking it out and bringing his bloodied hand up to your face.

“Lick it, dummerchen~”

When you finally regained your senses, you gazed at his fingers. Your breathing was still heavy and you felt as if you were close to passing out, but with the strength you had, you leaned forward slowly and stuck out your tongue. Your eyes were glossy, but you made sure to stare directly back at him when your tongue stroked the blood on his fingers.

Strade’s eyes widened and his smile grew immensely before he began unbuckling his pants.

  
Which was your last memory before you passed out.


	2. Just Another Day.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you were stuck there forever, you might as well find out who Strade really is, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo so I was going to actually post this chapter with the third chapter, but I really didn't want to keep you guys waiting too long for the next chapter. I honestly finished this like a week ago if not longer than that so I feel kinda bad for not posting it sooner. Hopefully chapter 3 will be out soon tho >:^

You woke up on your familiar bed, the bed you had tried to sleep in but failed repeatedly, night after night. As you pushed your body to sit up, you felt a sharp pain coming from your lower torso, which flooded your head with certain memories from the night before. The memories of your reaction to pain, the memories of Strade torturing you.

You should’ve been traumatized, but you lost that phase of sanity almost a week ago. So instead of acting frightened and curling up in a ball, wishing for someone to save you, you just moved on and decided to check on the wound. To your surprise, it looked as if it were bandaged up by some kind of professional. Your only guess as to _why_ was because he wanted you alive. Before he put the collar on you, he would’ve never done something like this; because before you were just temporary. But now, you were officially all his, and last night had confirmed every bit of it.

You really couldn’t remember every bit of last night of course, but you definitely remembered what exactly happened right before you passed out, when Strade was right about to fuck you, or do something within those lines.

You questioned if he continued even after you lost consciousness; and knowing him, you certainly expected it. The problem was, you didn’t feel any pain between your legs, or anywhere on the lower half of your body for that matter. Any pain on your body was coming from specifically your abdomen.

Of course with your train of thought, you just decided to drop it altogether and get the hell out of bed. For some reason, you wanted to see Strade.You didn’t really need to talk to him, or have a conversation or anything like that, you just wanted to see him. Your first interaction with him since you left your room ended with nails impaling your abdomen. So you wanted to try something different; you wanted to just _live_ with him. Surely he wasn’t always worked up and in the mood to torture, and you wanted to see that side of him.

So, you put a little pressure on your wound with your hand, and trudged out of the bed.The pain didn’t bother you obviously, it just made everything you do feel awkward, everything besides laying down at least. Your trip downstairs was really just an inconvenience, but eventually you made it to the bottom without accidentally opening your wounds.

Upon walking into the living room, your first sight was Ren watching TV on the couch rather than Strade. You shrugged to yourself and proceeded once more to the kitchen, deciding again to find something you could eat without effort. As you searched throughout the pantry, you saw those familiar little energy bars Strade fed to you during your confinement and decided to grab a few of those for the “nostalgia”.

After eating one of the bars, you decided to join Ren and watch TV. Truthfully he wanted to shower you in apologies for what Strade had so far done to you, but he ended up cowering away from the conversation altogether; which was quite pleasant considering you really weren’t in the mood to talk. So for about an hour or two, you and Ren sat in silence. It was really quite obvious that throughout the entire experience he wanted to say something, but not a single word ended up escaping the poor fox boy’s mouth.

This time of watching television would have been much longer if both you and Ren didn’t hear a door slam and find a certain blood covered man finally waltzing around the house after what seemed to be like a long day for him. Seeing this made Ren walk back up to his room and lay down on his little pile of blankets, making it quite obvious (to you at least) that he didn’t want to deal with Strade. You on the other hand just continued to stay on the couch and observe Strade’s doings.

It was obvious that Strade knew your eyes were following him, but for a short period he didn’t speak. You were sure there was a reason for this of course, that maybe he would want to clean up and get comfortable before speaking to you. Of course there’s always the thought that maybe he felt too “awkward” to speak to you after last night, but Strade wouldn’t feel awkward, hell he’s probably never felt “awkward” in his entire life.

So, for the time being, you just watched his actions for a little bit as he walked around the downstairs, then into his room for a few minutes to change into what looked like just boxers and his usual shirt. You supposed this was just his idea of getting comfortable, which was no problem of course deeming the fact this was _his_ home after all.

This did make you question if this meant he was “done” for today, and if he wasn’t, was this just all temporary? Was this whole “getting comfortable” thing act just that, an act? Was he worked up and ready to torment all the time?

These questions buzzed around in your head during the time observing him; you were ready to find out more about him. You were going to get to know who Strade was.

Now, after he had finally changed, he decided to join you on the couch with a beer in his hand, sitting quite close to you. This of course didn’t phase you, just shrugging it off and deciding to finally begin the first ever “normal” conversation with your captor.

“So, is there anything you wanna watch? Or any genre you would _prefer_ to watch?” You stared at him blankly as you spoke, your voice monotone.

As expected, he grinned at the question before replying. “What do you _think_ I like to watch?”

Pausing at his reply, you thought about it for a pretty short period before hesitantly speaking up. “Uh… horror? Or like the discovery channel or something? You just seem the kinda person that might like shark week, or like the shows that are suspenseful as hell although it’s literally just about a guy camping. But it’s pretty hard for me to say, so correct me if I’m wrong.”

“Any of those will work _just_ fine~” He scooted a little closer to you, putting one arm around your shoulder, the other holding the beer.

You turned your head to look at him, your expression again empty as you mumbled, your tone sarcastic. “You smell like iron. I wonder why.”

“You know _exactly_ why, dummerchen~!” He shined his teeth at you, winking before turning his head back to the television as you began flipping through the channels.

Eventually you came across something you thought might appeal to him; some weird dateline show. Truthfully you didn’t care about what you were watching, hell, you weren’t even paying attention here. You were just… happy(?) to be spending some real time with him. It was certainly an odd feeling. It didn’t real _feel_ happy, but then again it didn’t feel terrible either; plus your emotions were just overall hard to understand at this point.

One second you were coming up with some witty retort, getting your abdomen impaled, next second you were sitting and watching television with the same man who impaled said abdomen, with ease.

Obviously, your head had gone through a lot. You weren’t really sure what might have changed, and you certainly would need a professional to find out. But you weren’t really concerned with it. What’s done is done, and Strade still liked the change so you weren’t going to die from it; at least not now.

After the first long episode, you stood up and looked at him as he looked back with a raised brow. “This is boring. If I’m going to live here, you should give me something to do other than watch television.”

“Oh? And here I thought you were enjoying finding out about the old woman who killed her husband for having an affair~!”

You sighed. “Just. Give me something to do. Let’s play a game or something… one that doesn’t end like last night please.”

Strade followed your steps and stood up from the couch. “No promises, my little maus! Now, what is it you want to play?”  
You paused, not thinking you would get this far. Taking you about a minute before you finally came up with something, blurting it out. “Twenty-one questions.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, feel to send hate in my inbox or smth like that if chapter 3 doesn't come out soonish. i deserve it tbh


	3. "Innocent" Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You attempt to get to know Strade better. Long story short, it doesn't go well.

Strade’s smile was now devilish as he began letting out a low chortle. “Oh~ So that’s what all this is about, my cute little pet wants to find out more about their new roommate, huh~?”

You didn’t understand why he smiled or even laughed, but eventually his grand laugh became contagious and you laughed with him, now unsure of your own actions, and even your mood. “Yep! I’ve been wanting to get to know  _ all _ about you ever since I was introduced to your torture! You’re an interesting human you know. Hard to read.” Your tone grew mocking. “So just give me this,  _ liebling. _ ”

He took an uncharacteristically gentle hold on your chin before speaking. “As long as I get to ask my own questions, I’ll happily oblige.”

Your face grew red at his irregular action, but soon enough your smile grew emotionless and you stared at him with a blank look in your eyes. “Then let’s begin.” 

Strade chuckled, letting go of your chin and laying his back comfortably against the couch. It was obvious that now he was simply waiting for your first question. 

So, you immediately began, your voice deadpan. “Why did you pick me?”

Strade furrowed his brows at such a flat question, soon giving a snicker before his answer. “You already know the answer to that question, next~” You sighed at his reply, unsure as to what other questions you had even wanted to ask. So you sat there in silence, rushing through your disorganized thoughts until another question came to mind.

“Fine. Then… why do you do this to people? What made you act on these… terrible… terrible thoughts…?” Your words trailed off towards the end of the question. Asking this question almost began feeling hypocritical; your head was buzzing with macabre ideas ever since you were forced to live here. And for this you knew you should loathe the person in front of you for the torture, for making you think these new thoughts; but here you were, trying to play some moronic question game with him in attempt to get to know him better. 

Eventually these apprehensive thoughts were interrupted by Strade’s voice. “I’d prefer not to answer that either, but I can at least say this; Inhumane is just what I am~ Now how about you answer me this instead. What do you mean by  _ “these” _ terrible thoughts, mein schatz? Something’s going on in that little head of yours, isn’t it~?” 

  
  


“What did you do with me last night?” You spat out, ignoring his question completely. 

In response, Strade’s smile grew immensely as he began answering the question. “That's a good question~ What  _ didn't _ I do to you last night? Well. Considering I'm quite sure you remember everything until you passed out, I'll tell you  _ all _ about the fun we had after that!” 

You simply nodded in reply, as if to tell him this was exactly what had you wanted to know.

And he continued. “Well. It was  _ such _ an eventful night! I just couldn't control myself around you… After all that  _ moaning _ . I'm sure you definitely remember that, huh~? You didn't do that before~ You just whined and whimpered, but now you're different~! It's… adorable. I wish I could have heard more… but my poor liebling couldn't handle it anymore! And although it kinda felt like I was fucking a corpse, I decided to fuck the cute new bloody holes~! The fresh ones! I couldn't pick from just one, so both of them got something~!” His smile grew unsettling. “I even came in them… so now a part of me is inside you.”

You didn't really react at his words. They didn't bother you. Your wound had felt miserable, but it would have felt miserable even if he didn't decide to fuck them. And you hadn't even felt what he had done to you in the first place, so why  _ should _ it bother you? In fact, if it did anything, it excited you. In some odd way, his words brought a light color to your cheeks. 

“Then tell me, what did you do afterwards? I'd love to know all about last night.” You spoke, your voice still quite monotone. 

“Ohh~ Well I didn't think there was any more use to do our fun if you were all passed out and couldn't enjoy it with me, plus you were bleeding so much. I didn't want my new plaything to die on me so soon! So I stitched you up~! I wish you were awake for that too… but I let my cute little maus sleep…  and that's all I can tell you~!” 

Though satisfactory to his reply, your mind seemed to take his words oddly. Your blush grew somewhat darker, and your head seemed to become dizzy. The purpose your mind and body reacted this way had been unbeknownst to you, but even Strade seemed to have realized the awkward expression on your face, along with the redenned skin. 

He didn't say anything, not because he wasn't interested, because believe me, he very much was. The only reason he waited, was that he wanted to see your explanation. He wanted to hear and see all that you would do next. So, he waited patiently before something finally came out of your mouth, his eyes following your expression with that signature smile as a reaction to your blush. 

“...That’s flattering.” And that’s all that you spoke. You tried to think of more to say, more to ask even, but your thoughts were so chaotic from the new information that it appeared you weren’t there anymore. 

And then you started laughing.

It was a quiet laugh, but the sound was almost menacing. You hadn’t the simplest idea as to why the laughter began though. It was coming out of  _ your _ mouth, it was the sound of  _ your _ laughter, but… with your head in such a frenzy, the reason to laugh was nowhere to be found. Luckily, the brief laughing was stopped by Strade’s hand grabbing your chin once more. 

“Come on liebling… this has to bother you~ Stop holding back already~” His hand still holding a tight hold to your chin, his other hand now putting down the beer and trailing up your thigh and to the wound on your abdomen, rubbing up and down the stitches with his cold fingers. You twitched at his actions, but your eyes were still locked on to his. You tried to close your eyes to get break from his beading gaze, but it was like his face was imprinted onto your eyelids. You couldn’t get him out of your head. So, you both stared intently at each other for a long moment, no sound other than your heavy breathing. 

Then he prodded at the stitches, causing the wound to reopen and began to lightly bleed. Your breath hitched and before you knew it, you grabbed the hand touching your wound and pushed him down on the couch, your nails digging into the hand, causing it to break the skin just enough for it to faintly bleed. His other hand, that was once holding your face, immediately slid to your neck, this being an obvious warning to stop your actions. 

But you didn’t. You kept him nailed down to the couch, his grip tightening around your throat, your grip tightening around his other hand. His eyes grew darker, but so did yours. 

And then your limbs fell flat, your body fell onto Strade’s chest after a strong jolt shot through your body. You were still breathing, you were still conscious, but it had felt as though all your energy had been drained all at once.  _ It was that fucking collar. _

With the little strength you had left, you brought your eyes to his, weakly bringing your hand up to touch his face. And you began laughing again, your eyes glazed over, but this time you spoke. Your voice sounded quiet, gentle, but your face said just the opposite. 

“I don’t know what came over me… I’m so sorry. Forgive me…  _ darling _ .” And then you passed out. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I'm a piece of shit who posts chapters like over a year later. maybe someday I'll finish this stupid fic. I hope to, I still have plans. Please excuse me for being a miserable human being. Sorry this one isn't as long as I had originally planned :(((


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